Christmas is a jolly time of year. Streets and shops are decorated, families and loved ones celebrate and everywhere has that sense of Christmas cheer. But for many of us, Christmas can be a huge trigger. As it is the the traditional time of year to see family and friends, to give yourself time off and self care it can highlight things that are lacking to those who don’t have these things.
Loss is even more evident at Christmas due to this. Whether that is loss of loved ones, loss of housing, loss of a job etc the loneliness that can be felt at this time of year can be overwhelming.
This had never been so obvious to me until I lost my mum over 5 years ago now. Christmas like for a lot of people was hugely celebrated in my home, and my mum was the biggest of Kids going above and beyond each and every year despite her financial difficulties (like a lot of homes). The whole process of Christmas was big deal, from getting the decorations out and putting them up as a homely tradition to taking them down again. Not a moment was lost with her and she made every one feel special. So for me, not having her there (in my mind she was Christmas (not only Santa lol) Christmas felt empty, without magic and the hole she left behind was too much to look at.
I tried to avoid Christmas for this reason for many years, it was easier to deny the festivities than to sit with the void, loneliness and grief. I know so many others have this or similar experiences each year and I think its important for us to all remember this, this time may not only be unhappy and un-joyful but also be damn right depressing and unbearable.
Its taken me personally five Christmas’s to even start to feel that spark again, to want to partake in gift giving, putting up decorations and having a shared family meal (and want to enjoy it). There was a Huge part of me that felt like I was betraying her by enjoying myself, but as I slowly come out of my grief I realise she wouldn’t want that for me, I am here now but I know so many others are still in their grief.
Please spend a moment to think and give your healing energy to those suffering for what ever reason this Christmas time.
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