Why Couples Come to Therapy: Communication, Connection & Intimacy

I’ve now been working with couples in the therapy space for around three-quarters of a year, and I wanted to share some of my insights with you.

Because even the strongest bonds need nurturing

In my experience, couples usually come to relationship counselling for one of two reasons — to make up or to break up. From the work I’ve been doing, the ratio is definitely more in favour of the former. In cases of the latter, it often seems to be because help was sought too late and one partner has already emotionally checked out, seeking some kind of reassurance or validation in their decision.

When I say “couples come to therapy,” that usually looks like one person leading while the other follows. Even if one partner didn’t initiate the sessions, both need to be present and willing to commit to the process — and

to each other — for it to work (and in most cases, they do!).

I offer relationship therapy across many areas, including past traumas, abuse, separation, and family dynamics. However, I’ve found that the most common issues couples seek help for are communication problems and sex and intimacy issues.

We all assume we know how to talk and listen — it sounds simple, right? But I’ve lost count of the number of couples who tell me they’re arguing constantly, not being understood, being misinterpreted, or feeling unheard.

A huge part of the work I do involves going back to basics — helping couples re-learn how to truly listen to each other and communicate effectively, without causing distress or defensiveness. As relationships grow over time, we can become lazy with our communication and intentions. We might sweep things under the carpet or avoid expressing our needs to “keep the peace.” But when emotions and tensions build up, it inevitably affects how we speak to one another.

And then there’s the sexual connection. If a couple is having sex less than once a month, it’s often considered a sexless relationship — something I see quite frequently in my therapy sessions. When regular intimacy fades, relationships can begin to feel more like friendships or flatmates. To some extent, this is natural, due to hormonal shifts and the relationship cycle. Once we live together, there’s often more oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which helps us feel safe and connected — but can also shift the dynamic from passionate to familiar. That’s why it’s vital for couples to make a conscious effort to reignite the spark and nurture physical and emotional closeness.

Sometimes healing starts with simply reaching for each other’s hand.

Another common pattern I see in couples therapy is that once partners move in together, the effort tends to drop. Other priorities take over, and the relationship gets pushed aside. Seeing each other daily isn’t the same as spending quality time together. It doesn’t make us feel special, sexy, or desired — all of which are essential for a healthy relationship.

In short, if you want a long-lasting and fulfilling partnership, it’s about consistent effort, open communication, emotional connection, and regular, meaningful intimacy.

If you’re struggling with communication, intimacy, or feeling disconnected from your partner and would like to explore how relationship therapy can help, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.